but arthur fonzarelli’s got an army of clones.

My friend Meglet sent this to me. How amazing. I love this.

A long time ago I wrote bacon-themed lyrics to that song.

Total Attack of the Heart

Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit hungry and you’re never cooking food
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of eating non-pork-based goods
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous and I think my cholesorol’s high
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified then I see the Bacon you’re fryin’
Fry it up, Bacon, Every now and then I need some pork
Fry it up, Bacon, Every now and then I need some pork

Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit restless because your cooking takes too long
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I need that Bacon buttered strong
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit angry that the Bacon just won’t fucking turn
Fry it up, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified that you might just let it all burn
Fry it up, Bacon, Every now and then I eat some pork
Fry it up, Bacon, Every now and then I eat some pork

And I fuckin’ need your pork tonight
And I fuckin’ need your fuckin’ Bacon
And if you only cook it right
We’ll be eating pork forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Bacon and sausage can never be wrong together
Bacon Buddies can take it to the end of the line
We want to eat buttered Bacon all of the time
We don’t know what to do, we’re always eating pork
We’re living in a smokehouse and eating pig parts
Eating Bacon tonight
Bacon’s gonna fry tonight
Bacon’s gonna fry tonight

Once upon a time there was pork in our life
But now there’s only soy in the dark
There’s nothing I can do
A total attack of the heart
Once upon a time there was pork in our life
But now there’s only soy in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total attack of the heart

INSTRUMENTAL BREAKDOWN (seriously, this is a long ass song)

Fry it up, Bacon
Fry it up, Bacon
Fry it up, Every now and then I know you’ll never be the Bacon buddy you always wanted to be
Fry it up, Every now then I know you’ll always be the only boy who wanted Bacon but never quite liked the Spam
Fry it up, Every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as chicken-fried-Bacon as you
Fry it up, Every now and then I know there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing that I just wouldn’t do…
… for Bacon, Bacon, Every now and then I eat some pork
Fry it up, Bacon, Every now and then I eat some pork

And I fucking need your pork tonight
And fucking I need your fucking Bacon
And if you only cook it right
We’ll be eating pork forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Bacon and sausage can never be wrong together
Bacon Buddies can take it to the end of the line
We want to eat buttered Bacon all of the time
We don’t know what to do, we’re always eating pork
We’re living in a smokehouse and eating pig parts
Eating Bacon tonight
Bacon’s gonna fry tonight
Bacon’s gonna fry tonight

Once upon a time there was pork in our life
But now there’s only soy in the dark
There’s nothing I can do
A total attack of the heart
Once upon a time there was pork in our life
But now there’s only soy in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total attack of the heart

Also, you know how I know Metallica sucks?

Yeah, that’s how.

This is your brain on Hogs.